Several months back I promised to write some non-political doomsday articles and to cover more pleasant issues and events.  As I was driving home one day this past week, I thought to myself, “What is the current thing going on right now that could hold me to my promise?”  Then it hit me… chickens! Duh.  Sorry if you thought I was going to cover the stupid balloon.  

It is really refreshing to see a sudden interest in a wonderful hobby that I have enjoyed, albeit with mixed success over several years now.  Further, as raising livestock mortally offends characters like Klaus Schwab and Bill Gates, it would be wonderful to witness dazzling success among these newly self-declared farmers.  Kudos and welcome!

I am not an expert at raising chickens, but I do have 6 years of experience doing it.  I have learned many lessons, (usually the hard way) and I am happy to share some wisdom that may help others find success.  

Eggs are currently six to seven dollars a dozen.  But before you angrily declare, “That’s it, I’m just going to raise my own chickens!  This is ridiculous!  Where’s the nearest Home Depot and a hatchery?!”  There are a few things you should consider.

Is it Worth it?

There are some initial start up costs.  To avoid disappointed, understand and accept now what this truly is: a hobby.  That being said, it may very well be worth it to you if you are interested in learning an essential skill, want your kids to do some character building chores, or if you just like animals that (bonus) give you food.  I have a friend out east who keeps bees and harvests their honey.  At one point, he was getting a few gallons every year, but at the cost of regular bee stings in addition to many other expenses that go with keeping.  But when I saw the smile on his face when he proudly spread home-raised honey on my toast, I knew it was worth it to him.  Getting up in the morning and cracking your own eggs, some speckled, some blue, and some occasionally fertilized (whoops) can provide you with that joy too.

To raise chickens, you are going to need a coop.  Yes, you can go to Tractor Supply right now and buy a  pre-made coop for a few hundred dollars.  But will it hold up?  Will it hold enough chickens?  Will it be secure?  If you live in the desert, it will probably hold up, but unless it has a SOLID floor, it will likely be insecure.  In the summer, you have to fight the heat (more on that in a bit), but in the winter, you have to fight the predators.  They can dig.  

To really savor the experience, and to be confident in the long lasting security of your coop, do it yourself!  If you want enough chickens to feed a large family a steady supply of eggs, consider something around 10’ x 12’ to house around 20 chickens.  There are plenty of great DIY videos out there that show you how build a solid coop using chicken wire, posts, lumber, and some moderate carpentry skills.  Find one that you like and then use finely netted chicken wire for the inside.  Make sure EVERYTHING is sealed.  Then, bury it along the edges 12 inches down and 12 inches out.  This will prevent chickens from escaping and predators from digging into your coop.  

Nevertheless, some predators will barge, not dig.  I have not fool proofed my own coop, but I get closer every year.  In fact, I plan on redoing most of it this summer when I have time to make it a virtual fortress.  Having said that, I have had a lot of success keeping out the Javelinas (bargers).  I have accomplished this by lining the outside of the coop with chain link fence.  Before that, I dealt with a couple of Javelina break ins.  They don’t eat chickens, they just break your flimsy chicken wire, eat the chicken feed, take a dump in your coop and walk out.  But once they do that, they leave the coop open for coyotes to pick off your birds until you perfectly repair it.  secure it all on day one and you won’t have to re-make your coop several years later.  Womp womp.

Another thing, predators come in many shapes, sizes, and temperaments.  Ring tail cats are tiny.  Neighborhood dogs will massacre your chickens if they get the chance.  Not even to eat them, but to play a fun game of “set the hobby farmer  back a couple hundred dollars and make his kids cry when they discover the missing headed chickens in the morning.”  Oh, and on that note, don’t ever be the sucker chump who thinks it’s “humane” to let your chickens “free range” in your yard.  They will crap everywhere and disappear.  Your family’s grocery bill is worth more than that.  Find out what you want to build, calculate the cost of materials and time to make it, and make it SECURE the first time.  Expect to spend a few hundred dollars on materials and a couple of weekends with your boys completing this awesome family project.  The alternative is to make something decent and frequently replace hens.  

Roosters

Roosters make noise.  They can also be aggressive.  Depending on your overall plans for your little farm, you may need a rooster, or you may not.  If you want to buy an incubator and hatch some of your own eggs, terrific.  It’s a fun lesson for the kids!  Speaking of kids, if they don’t know the facts of life now, they will learn if you have a rooster.

Not only will kids learn where baby chickens come from, but be prepared to explain how it’s within the  rooster’s nature to violently peck at the necks of the hens they jump.  I once observed my most aggressive rooster jump one of our ducks.  The best part was when one of the male ducks let him know that he wasn’t okay with that.  They had a scuffle.  It was amusing.  Well, it was amusing until that same rooster started charging at my youngest children when they went in to collect eggs.  Then we ate him.  

If you just want edible eggs, you don’t need a rooster.  If you have an HOA and/or city ordinance that is cool with chickens, check and see if you are even allowed to have a rooster.  There are collars you can buy to minimize the noise they make, but they are not impeccable.  On that note, check how many chickens you are allowed to keep, because that should also be factored into the size of coop you make and whether or not you want to be a rule breaker, or you just want a few eggs to supplement the egg purchases you will still need to make.  Do’h!

What Chickens Need

Welp, they need water, and not just for drinking.  Look, unlike goats, (I love my goats so much more than my chickens by the way, but that’s for another article) chickens are not natural desert animals.  If you have cheap well water, (#blessed) then a hose and perhaps an automatic watering system is possible.  However, do not assume that it’s a “set and forget” prospect.  Automatic waterers with the re-fillable “nipple” system are temperamental and still require plenty of maintenance.  Hose attachments and waterers will build up gunk and require occasional part replacement.  I saw a gentleman fix a Homer bucket to a corner post in his coop with a regular jack strap once.  He attached a float mechanism with a hose inserted to the top and drilled holes to put a few automatic “nipples” around the base.  If you think innovation like that sounds fun, then chicken raising may be for you.

Another option is to have your kids do all the watering for you.  Keep in mind, if it’s 112 degrees out and they forget to water just one day, then your chickens will die.  Then you are back at the grocery store.  

Just like eggs are more expensive, feed is more expensive right now!   We have tried some of the hacks, too.  For a while, we supplemented the feed with leftover beer brewers grain that we found on Craigslist.  It’s a neat idea, but then your coop smells like booze.  Maybe that’s a plus for you.  Many people are getting creative about making their own feed these days by doing “microgreen” style set ups to raise wheat.  If you have the time and want to work that science experiment, then you can certainly save some money.  Again, this whole thing is a hobby!

Another thing, chickens need to roost when sleeping at night (it’s natural to them and it prevents parasites) and they need to nest when laying eggs.  Your nesting boxes can be just about anything, too.  Got an old computer monitor circa 1999?  Take all the guts out and use the shell.  Seriously, thrifty farmers have gotten by on less.  Whatever you can do to mitigate costs, the greater your chances of making this a worthwhile experience.  

The Investment

When all the costs are tallied, there are stubborn urban farmers out there eating what ultimately amounts to five dollar tomatoes.  But they are homegrown!  And… eventually the initial investment is overcome.  The days of pure “gravy” are ahead, but be okay with initially paying way more for your own homegrown eggs, perhaps for a couple of years until you get good at this.  At my best, I have had 60 birds and fed them with a high volume of brewers grain and commercial feed while collecting 20-30 eggs a day.  At my worst, my full time job, my side hustles, and other hobbies have occasionally prevented me from giving this hobby the time and attention it requires.  All it takes is one kid to forget to close and secure the coop at night, and for you to be too tired from staying up all night writing articles about chickens for the neighborhood dog to come in and press the reset button for you.

Don’t just weigh the material costs.  Consider the stress, the time, and the occasional heartbreaks if you really want to do this right.  Or if you just want to do a small scale operation and simply supplement the eggs you already buy while teaching the kids some accountability, awesome.  Put the horse before the cart, be realistic, stay with it, and you will be satisfied.  

Now for the Birds

Not all chickens lay equally.  Your wife and kids are going to want “Easter Eggers” (blue egg layers) and “Olive Eggers” (olive colored) and maybe even exotic good for nothing chickens like “Silkies” (facepalm).  But that’s all stupid.  Good hatchery websites catalog all the various breeds and how many eggs per year to expect from each.  Those Silkies will lay about 100-120 eggs a year.  White Leghorns, however, can give you around 300 per year.  I like my goats Nubian, my chickens White Leghorn, and my Doodles Golden.  Just saying.  

I have had success with two hatcheries specifically.  Cackle Hatchery is a medium sized hatchery in Missouri.  Order 3 chicks or more, and they ship to the lower 48!  Yes, order online, and wait for a piece of mail that tells you to pick up your birds at the post office. No joke.  They make lovely catalogs that showcase all of their products (the chickens) with write ups and descriptions of each breed.  Once, we thought we would dabble in the Silkie market and hatch some eggs.  We received a shipment of dead birds, but Cackle was very eager to rectify the problem and refund us.  I give them an A minus overall.  

The other hatchery we have enjoyed is Hoover’s Hatchery.  They recently sent us a batch of chicks that may have been sick.  Half of them died within a few days.  When we called and complained, they sent us a whole new batch despite the fact that the rest of the first bunch were still alive and now healthy. Sweet!  If you buy on Cragislist, don’t expect this kind of service.  If you buy at Tractor Supply, if they even have any chicks, don’t expect many options on breed.

Speaking of chicken health, study up on “Pasty Butt”, “Bumble Foot”, and other common ailments  that some of your chickens are bound to have.  Be ready to diagnose and treat right away.  Get a heat lamp before your chicks arrive and set up a little coop, especially if you plan on raising rounds of different aged chickens at a time.  Big chickens will kill little chicks.  You have been warned.

Conclusion

Raising chickens isn’t right for everyone.  In fact, if you want long term success but you are easily discouraged by collections of minor failures, then it’s not for you.  Just keep buying expensive eggs and find consolation in the fact that at least gas is currently under $4 a gallon.  Yeah, there you go.  

If you want to gain an essential skill, feel a neat connection to your ancestors (hey, the senators and emperors of Rome were proud of their chicken breeding), and you are truly ready to embrace the challenges of this HOBBY, then build a coop and get some birds.  Oh, and make sure your family is all in on it too.  Unless you want to do all the chores yourself.  

Finally, deep down, I hope you do keep and raise chickens.  If for nothing else, because the Great Resetters will hate you for it.  That’s good enough for me.  In all seriousness, if you are still interested, then I hope for your success and wish you Godspeed.  You can do it.  

God bless,

Gadfly